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I am here, I am alive, but it is a lot. My father passed away in August, my anxiety and depression got worse after a seizure he had from brain cancer that he was diagnosed with last year. I didn't go to sleep at night until I checked on him to see if he was even still breathing. My mom and aunt thought it was good for me to go down South for a month to spend time with her (my aunt) and my cousin. My father passed away when I was down South. I am still in disbelief. I can't understand why such a hardworking man had to go. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years now. I have a niece and she's four months old. I have a kitten, he's three months old. I had a breakdown/meltdown/attack whatever you call it. I cried and screamed and hit myself so hard that I bruised my knee. I had to choose to stay with my sister and her baby or help my mother shop. I hate feeling like this.
Hello Everyone
Okay, I know I haven't been on in a long time.I have been dealing with internal conflict, I've lost my appetite twice today, I know what is bothering me, but I can't pin point it with everything else in my mind that keeps me up at night. I don't want to go to another therapist because I'm tired of trying and my last one ghosted me. I need some kind of outlet for this mess. I feel like I failed, I could have done better for myself, but I know that it could be worse. It doesn't matter how anyone says that, it's still annoying to hear. It is just a rant now, I suppose. Complaining or venting? I'm unsure and I'm sorry to spread this plague of a journal entry on your watch list. Do I have a right to complain about my hip injury from a car accident I was involved in around the last week of February? It is probably bruised, but I didn't get it checked out yet. My knees also hurt, but I know why and the physical therapy didn't help. Maybe I just stop trying. Maybe I think there isn't worth
Huh
It's no surprise that I've been out of action. Is it because of procrastination? Maybe. Anxiety preventing me from doing anything? Probably. I have no motivation anymore. None. There is something I have in my brain. It's not physical but it is eating at me. Collecting my happiness and throwing it out through my ears.
I have no motivation to do anything. I feel like I have to be forced to do something to actually do something. It sucks and my room is a mess; describing my internal struggle.
I ask anyone to take this madness I don't have from me. I sure don't want it. My heart grows sad as I sit in my bed, lay in my bed, sleep. Do nothing. Cr
Yes, I know I haven't been on here in a while.
I am back, I hope.
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